I Found a Naked Woman in My Boyfriend’s Bed

I knew my ex-boyfriend was an alcoholic. He discussed it openly. He also refused AA, refused therapy. He’d go cold turkey and do well, then slowly reintroduce alcohol — but within six months he’d be fully regressed again; drowning in a deep darkness of depression. It would culminate in a blackout night, a self-destructive freakout, a series of blacking out, you name it. In fact, after our first six months together, he broke up with me without warning or reason. Within a month he said he’d changed his mind and we worked at putting ourselves back together as a couple. By the time we broke up for good, it would be the the fifth turn of his six month cycle.

I came to expect his ups and downs. Most weren’t as dramatic as his six month cycles and abuse of substances, but depending on his moods, he’d ignore my messages or calls for a day or so. He’d snap at me for asking simple questions like, “what are you up to tonight?” He once was out with a friend and I called because someone side-swiped my car, something that hadn’t happened to me before. I called for help, he answered and hung up. I called back, he didn’t answer me for nearly twenty-four hours and when he did reappear, he acted like it wasn’t a big deal that he didn’t answer and got mad at me for calling when I knew he was out with a friend. When I told I had been worried about him, he called me a parole officer.

He saw my concern as a way to control him. He never realized how obvious his self-harm was. He never realized he was worthy of someone caring for him…